I dreamt a dream the other night I couldn\'t sleep a wink
The rats were tryin\' to count the sheep and I was off the drink
There were footsteps in the parlour and voices on the stairs
I was climbin\' up the walls and movin\' round the chairs.
I looked out from under the blanket up at the fireplace.
The Pope and John F. Kennedy were starin\' in me face.*
Suddenly it dawned at me I was getting the old D.T.s
When the Child o\' Prague began to dance around the mantlepiece.

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Goodbye to the Port and Brandy, to the Vodka and the Stag,
To the Schmiddick and the Harpic, the bottled draught and keg.
As I sat lookin\' up the Guinness ad I could never figure out
How your man stayed up on the surfboard after 14 pints of stout.

Well I swore upon the bible I\'d never touch a drop.
My heart was palpitatin\' I was sure \'twas going to stop,
Thinkin\' I was dyin\' I gave my soul to God to keep.
A tenner to St. Anthony to help me get some sleep.
I fell into an awful nightmare - got a dreadful shock.
When I dreamt there was no Duty-free at the airport down in Knock.
George Seawright was sayin\' the rosary and SPUC were on the pill.**
Frank Patterson was gargled and he singin\' Spancil Hill.

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I dreamt that Mr. Haughey had recaptured Crossmaglen
Then Garret got re-elected and gave it back again.
Dick Spring and Roger Casement were on board the Marita-Ann
As she sailed into Fenit they were singin\' Banna Strand.
I dreamt Archbishop McNamara was on Spike Island for 3 nights
Havin\' been arrested for supportin\' Traveller\'s rights.
I dreamt that Ruairi Quinn was smokin\' marijuana in the Dail
Barry Desmond handin\' Frenchies out to scuts in Fianna Fail.

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I dreamt of Nell McCafferty and Mary Kenny too
The things that we got up to, but I\'m not tellin\' you.
I dreamt I was in a jacuzzi along with Alice Glenn
\'twas then I knew I\'d never ever, ever drink again.

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